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Perfection

I think it was from Brene Brown that I heard or read something like this:

You look at your newborn baby and think, ‘She’s perfect.’ And yet each of us is imperfect from our very beginning. We are all born imperfect and will remain imperfect for the rest of our lives.

I look at my new baby, and want to think she’s perfect. She has my nose, long pianist’s fingers (and toes), dark grey eyes, and the most beautiful little ears. She makes a grumpy old man noise out of annoyance when she sneezes, and laughs in her sleep. And she really only cries when she’s hungry, wet, or naked (seriously, folks…I’ve never seen a baby be so pissed to get undressed).

But she’s not. I could list a dozen things that make her difficult, and I’m certain I will only add to that list as she grows up. She’s as imperfect as the rest of us, and that? IS BEAUTIFUL.

If she were perfect, I would worry constantly about ruining her – about messing up. I would fret over every decision being the “right” one, because perfection implies right and wrong. There would be some utopian vision of the baby, child, and woman she should be, always in peril because of my impending parenting mistakes.

My job as a parent isn’t to protect her perfection, guarding her from mistakes and pain. Instead, it’s to nurture her as a whole person, hopefully teaching her that her imperfections don’t diminish her worth. They make her real, accessible, and whole.

By the way…if you haven’t read Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection, it’s life-changing. Honestly.

Tags: book reviews, depression, happiness, just be enough, No. 2, parenting, therapy, truth

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Categories photo, regular

I give great advice. Now if I could only listen to it.

11 Nov

The other day on twitter I was accused of being wise. Now, I grant you, I tend to be a wise-ass, but that isn’t what my #ppdchat mamas meant. It seems that I always know what to say and how to help.

Honestly, I’ve always been analytical, introspective, and compassionate, so the giving-good-advice thing just kind of comes naturally. But I fear I’ll be seen as someone who has all the answers and has their shit together, when in reality, I’m muddling through just like everyone else.

Because you see, I give great advice…to other people. I can listen and put myself in their shoes, mirror back what I’m hearing from them, and truthfully tell it how I see it. Perhaps I would have made a good therapist. Maybe it’s part of why I am a great teacher. But when it comes to myself, I often get so caught up with believing my feelings I can’t see the forest for the trees. No1 freaks out because her covers aren’t tucked in just so and I fly down the stairs in a rage because I. Am. Done. Or I go to a playgroup and leave feeling insecure about myself as a mom and a friend…all because someone looked at me a certain way. Hubs will tell me we are running out of milk and I take it personally, as if he is accusing me of failing as a wife. And I feel like a burden these days, asking for help because I am eight months pregnant and so very tired.

With practice, I’m getting better at treating myself like I do others. Sometimes (and with the help of modern medicine), I can step back and separate myself from the feelings enough to judge the situation for what it is. Those are my proudest moments, lately. It’s been a tough lesson to learn, but three years of therapy has taught me while I can’t control my emotions, I can choose how I respond to them.

So please know. I don’t have all the answers. Really. I’m faking my way through this just like everyone else is. And that’s okay. Life is hard – and anyone who claims to have all the answers is full of it.

Tags: just be enough, mental health, parenting, therapy, truth

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Categories regular

Everything I Ever Needed to Know…

21 Aug

I’m recycling this post from last week because it’s exactly what Just.Be.Enough. is all about – relaxing our hold on perfection and realizing the beauty and strength in who we truly are is enough. For one month, they are raising money for families affected by cancer – and all you have to do to help is link up! So please pardon the repeat post, click on over to Just.Be.Enough and read (and share!) stories of empowerment.

From their blog:

To do this we will need YOUR help. Bellflower Books will be sponsoring the Be Enough Me Monday link ups for ONE month, starting today. For every 20 people that link up with a story of how they lived the Be Enough Me “feeling” that week, Bellflower will donate ONE $75 gift certificate to a family identified by Crickett’s Answer for Cancer for the creation of a 20-page memory book. We will keep a running total of links over the four Mondays and hope to reach our goal of 120 links, which would provide TEN Bellflower memory books.Our goal is to provide up to TEN women fighting breast cancer a Bellflower book made by their family and friends, a work of art that will make these women smile and remember, and a treasured piece of family history for generations to come.

Not so very long ago, she was a tiny infant…shiny and new, full of possibilities.

And I was terrified of her. Terrified she wouldn’t eat enough, sleep enough, or grow enough. I was overwhelmed with the idea that I was responsible for a whole person. There is so much to teach to a child; so much wisdom to impart. I felt too small and insignificant to be everything she would need.

Turns out, all she needed me to be was myself.

And we would teach each other everything we would need to know along the way.

Lesson 1: Getting messy is good for the soul, especially when it’s a chocolately mess.

Lesson 2: Let Daddy be in charge. He may not do things like Mommy, but sometimes that’s a good thing.

Lesson 3: Don’t sweat the milestones. They’ll happen.

Binkies, solids, big girl bed, potty training…it will all happen in good time.

Lesson 4: Silly is beautiful.

Lesson 5: Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

Lesson 6: There is wonder and joy all around…if you stop to look.

My Darling DoodleBug,

In just a few months you will be three – and in a few more, a big sister. Time passes all too quickly and I want to soak in the rest of this year with us as a little family of three.

I am in awe of all you have taught me and am so lucky to have you as my daughter. Always fight for who you are and expect others to do the same, because who you are is (and will always be) enough.

Please keep teaching me and I will keep teaching you.

I love you “a little bit much”.

Mommy